Thursday, July 3, 2008

3rd of July

18 years ago today I almost died. It's my fault really, I was running with the wrong crowd. Namely, Elizabeth "hardcore headbanger" Downie.

I wasn't the most responsible child in my pre-teen years. I was known to shirk my chores, "forget" to do my homework, and leave my curling iron on for days at a time. Nevertheless, my mom let me have a sleepover the night before my favorite holiday, the Fourth of July. I invited Elizabeth and my mother grudgingly agreed. She knew better than me the kind of character EHHD was.

After a few hours of fun (crank calling, Elizabeth wrestling Travis while I taunted him with "my friend's stronger than yoooou are," and watching UHF and Dream Team) we went up to my room to get settled for the night. My bed was notoriously uncomfortable, so I offered to let Elizabeth sleep on the plush carpet. After catering to her every whim I finally told her I had given everything I had to give and dropped into bed out of pure exhaustion.

Well, apparently Miss Elizabeth had one more demand. She yanked my pillow right out from under my head. I grabbed it and said, "Elizabeth, give it back right now!" This show of independence incensed her and she wouldn't let her iron grip go. We struggled back and forth for a few moments. When she realized I was not going to let her win this battle like I had so many others, she grabbed the curling iron off my dresser and with fire in her eyes howled, "BURN BABY, BURN!!!"

Then, she plunged the curling iron down to my neck and rolled it up and down, up and down, all the while banging her head, swinging those red and blond locks (at the time she was dying streaks of her hair with Cherry Kool-Aid) and murmuring, "welcome to the jungle" along with Axel rose in her head.

By the time she finally got a hold of herself, my neck was covered with 3rd degree burns. Luckily my brother Ryan ins and eagle scout. After rolling his eyes and sighing when he saw what happened, he advised my mom to take us to the emergency room. While I waited for the doctor, Elizabeth flirted with a boy with knife wounds and my mother just shook her head.

Sadly, the Doctor told me I would not be allowed to go swimming to celebrate our nation's independence. Instead, I spent the fourth watching Elizabeth swim with my loved ones at Silver Lake.

Elizabeth eventually grew out of her crazy phase, (though she's still controlling and vindictive ) and we think it best to retell the story every year (and sometime I tell it to people she is starting to befriend or date, just so they know) so that others can learn from our mistakes.

You can see her do her penance here.


Elizabeth Downie said...

I'm dying here. Your version of the story cracks me up. Plush carpeting!? The funniest part is that parts of it are true. I doubt I'm still stronger than Travis though ;). I hope you take the poll on my page. Right now, I'm winning.

PS, I'm still laughing at your post.


Katherine said...

I'm with Elizabeth-I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!! Oh, man! I love that she was singing "Welcome to the Jungle," and had Koolaid streaks in her hair! Ah, good times!!

sterlingandbrandi said...

I am SO glad I read Elizabeth's rebuttal so I knew what story to believe. But that was the funniest thing I've read in a long time. But too bad she has the picture sans the Kool-Aid streaks. I think anyone who knows the two of you knows Elizabeth is the nice one with a feisty streak and you are the feisty one with a nice streak.

sterlingandbrandi said...

ps. I wanted to tell you, my one and only friend that is also an Obama girl, that I got an inflammatory email today about B.O.'s racist quotes, and being the skeptic I am I snopes'd it and hit reply to all with the rebuttal article. Even though I wouldn't say I'm a supporter, you can't go making your decisions off of propaganda and I like to annoy everyone. You can check out the email with rebuttal comments at

Delsa said...

Oh my heavens, that was a great blog to begin the day on. I am very sad to say I don't remember it at all, probably because there are too many of yours and Elizabeth's antics to remember. I must say that the one posted by Elizabeth sounds the more realistic. I have to say that I agree with Brandi's assessment of the two of you. At least at the age you were in the story

Shauri said...

This is what I posted to Elizabeth:

I wish I could go with Katherine's logic that you should believe and stand by your sister, but like Abram I'm afraid truth must prevail over silly ties like flesh and blood, or a worthless marriage certificate.

Kristin - 0
Elizabeth -1

Truth be told, the only part of the story I REALLY believe is that Ryan rolled his eyes, consulted his boy scout manual and made a diagnosis that my mother waited for.

Oh, and I also believe the part about Elizabeth singing burn, baby, burn.

OH, and please tell Abram I hope he's OK, and that I'm so sorry he has to sleep on a second class pillow because of you.

The laughs that have been had thanks to "your little friend Elizabeth." You know, the one you could carry around on your shoulder?

Larissa said...

Good thing Ryan was an Eagle Scout. What would you have done without that manual? By the way, you made your friend sleep on the floor?! Nice hosting. I'm not ever sleeping at your house.

Lisa said...

I can't believe that I have never heard this story. Seriously? Funny, but real scary Elizabeth that I never knew existed! : )